With every generation (at least those that have lived
during these decades since adolescence became such a significant part of the
life cycle), there has been a battle between parents and teenagers about rules.
Countless parents suffer rebellious reactions from teens who deem family rules
unfair and unreasonable.
Clinical psychologist Anthony E. Wolf urges parents to assume their role as
authority figures, since they are the ones with “the final responsibility for
deciding what is in the best interests of the child.” He reminds parents to be
more comfortable with the standards they set, since rules are not meant to
please teenagers, but to protect their well-being. He says that it’s not of
importance that the parents be right, but that they believe they are right.
However, beyond feeling comfortable and believing in one’s rightness as a
parent, rules fundamentally need to foster the development of the child’s
character, sense of responsibility and citizenship. Rules provide a structure, a
framework in which a teenager can grow and develop discernment.
In order for parents to articulate a standard and for young people to feel (even
if they don’t articulate it) a sense of surety and reassurance, parents need to
assume a healthy role, not as friend, but as authority figure and guide. Young
people don’t need more friends and they don’t need to encounter more ‘cool’;
young people today fundamentally are looking for guides, leaders and role
models.
